They mean well… right? A guide to helping your family help you over the holidays
We love the holidays, right? The traditions, the favorite foods, the family.
But what about the decision paralysis at the buffet? The underhanded comments? The navigating a new medicine or health practice in someone else’s house? Being away from our activity routine?
This blog post is going to be mostly aimed at navigating diabetes during the holidays but its lessons can apply to any health changes one is going through. The focus is on diabetes because of a pernicious issue that many people living with diabetes face: diabetes distress.
Diabetes Distress
Diabetes distress can happen with the exhaustion that comes with managing the 24/7 life of managing diabetes. It’s not depression, nor anxiety, but its own mix of emotions that come with managing a chronic illness. Researchers have identified seven core sources of diabetes distress (from www.diabetesdistress.org):
Management demands: everything that goes into self-care
Hypoglycemia: dropping blood glucose levels to dangerous levels
Interpersonal issues: my loved ones don’t know how to support me
This is what today’s blog focuses on
Healthcare provider: my team isn’t meeting me where I need them to
Shame/Stigma: juggling the identity of a “diabetic”
Long-Term Health: a cloud of complications fears and sense of powerless doom
Healthcare Access: struggling to get the supplies, medications, or care needed
One reason living with diabetes is so exhausting is the sheer number of decisions that need to be made every day: research says people living with diabetes are making an extra 300 decisions per day. Absolutely exhausting.
Let’s put that into context for the holidays. Sure, someone with diabetes may be making an extra 300 decisions per day on an average day. Now let’s throw in holiday foods, traveling, not having access to home supplies, doctors offices are closed for the holidays, family doesn’t understand the demands of managing this illness. That is a lot to put on one person. Exhausting, absolutely.
So, what can we do?
If we’re the families, we can take a few different approaches to support our family members living with diabetes:
Ask what they might need to be successful over the holidays. Maybe it’s a dedicated spot in the bathroom for diabetes supplies, or a secure high up cupboard to keep medicines out of reach of little ones.
Ask if they have any new favorite foods to serve, like a fruit salad or beans side dish.
Ask what level of support they would like around their new habits - if you know they’ve been exercising more, would they like a walking buddy after dinner?
Tough love time: do not make unsolicited comments about food, body, or health habits. Do not talk about other people in this context as a backdoor way of discussing these topics. Unsolicited advice is always criticism. Do not comment on food choices (good or bad). Do not comment on body appearance (good or bad).
Find something else to talk about: what about Susan’s dog’s haircut! Or Margie’s standout performance in the school play! Or gosh I hope Joe Burrow’s turf toe gets better soon, playoffs are coming up! Or did you know peanut allergies are on the decline! See, so much else we could talk about.
For the person living with diabetes
If we’re the person living with diabetes, we can do some quick education to our families based on what is most important for them to know to support us. Here are some examples:
In addition to all of our favorite family foods, I would love for us to have 1-2 vegetable dishes like salad or green beans cooked in olive oil.
Feel free to ask to bring these dishes if it would make it more realistic - good odds you won’t be the only one there grateful for some veggies!
If my eating habits are changing, avoid making comments about it. It hasn’t been easy for me to do, so support me in that by talking about something else (see ideas above).
A device on me might make noise to make sure I’m on track with my blood sugar goals - no need to draw any attention to it, and I’ll let you know if I need anything.
Finally, if we’ve tried all of this and someone we love says or does something that still lights up our diabetes distress, try to remember this: what they are saying or doing is more about them and their feelings than you. You communicated your needs, you're managing something complex, and you're doing your best.
I wish you the best of luck this holiday season. Enjoy and merry everything!
